Jalapeno Jelly Sauce

This Jalapeno jelly sauce is not only a tasty treat but excellent for home defense. When cooking the sauce down the caustic fumes will repel burglars, would-be home invaders and most relatives. Reminiscent of trench warfare in WWI European Theater, the fumes will permeate the home with mustard gas like quality. Remove all small pets, children, and possibly the spouse before preparation. Open all household doors and windows. This will be breathtaking. I mean it!

This sauce is best poured cold over a slab of cream cheese, and scooped with Triscuits, a most tasty whole wheat snack wafer. Besides great flavor, it holds up to “scooping” up the sauce and cream cheese.

If you are taking it to a pot-luck, leave a warning next to the dish explaining that the harmless looking sauce could induce seizure like activity if you are not accustomed to spicy foods. (Holding of the throat, flailing across the room) Jalapenos will vary in heat from store to store and batch to batch. I have enjoyed my wife Carrie’s sauce on many occasions, and for the most part they were mild with just the right heat. That being said, there was one batch we could have marketed to Homeland Security. I felt very proud that we could be saving the nation, and make a profit.They turned me down again.


8 cups sliced jalapeno peppers

1 ½ cups cider vinegar

8 cups sugar

(4) 3-ounce packages liquid Certo or equivalent


Add 4 cups jalapenos and ¾ cup cider vinegar Into blender and blend well. Put in large saucepan. Then add the rest of jalapenos and vinegar and blend well and also add to saucepan. Add 8 cups sugar to pan and bring to a boil stirring constantly. Cook 3 minutes at a boil and then turn off heat. Let cool for 10 minutes stirring occasionally, then add 4 packages of Certo into saucepan. Bring to boil then remove from heat. Stir constantly while pouring into small 4 oz mason jars (request an assistant, as this is HOT!!)

Fills 12-16 jars

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